Train Guys – Episode 2

Episode 2 of the podcast is out now! In this episode, I tell you about some of my own train encounters so that you too can find romance in unexpected places. Listen here.

21 Unusual Stress Relievers (Part 1 of 3)

This is the first of a 3-part series on unusual stress relievers.

What do fractals, hand warmers and prosocial behaviour have to do with stress?

Read part 1 of my list of unusual stress relievers now!

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/9-unusual-stress-relievers-part-13

How to Tinder (PODCAST)

Grain of Sea Salt **PODCAST** Ep 1 out now. Go go go!
– Apps that pre-date Tinder
– Strategies for travel dating
– Best worst dates
– The ELO algorithm
– Where you should be looking for love
– And the deal with mass swiping
https://www.grainofseasalt.com/podcast-1/

Start listening to How to Tinder here.

How to Tinder

New post up!

How to Tinder better:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/how-to-tinder

What to put in your bio, whether to include topless selfies & the best way to start a conversation.

Get my Tinder tips & tricks here.

Let me know your thoughts xx

The World is Your Bliss Ball

Recently I attended an essential oils workshop.

For those not in the know, an essential oils workshop is like a modern day tupperware party.

It goes like this:

Your friend starts selling tupperware. She invites a bunch of you and your friends around to teach you about the tupperware. You’re not very interested in tupperware but you go along. You know. Support.

Cupcakes and tea are served.  People talk. You learn about the tupperware’s myriad uses. You buy a tupperware container. You weren’t forced, per se. No one stole your credit card. There is just a strong feeling of expectation; you eat the cupcakes, you buy the tupperware.

For this reason, I was initially hesitant to attend the aforementioned essential oils workshop. But then I decided: I am a strong and powerful individual! No one can pressure me into doing something I don’t want! I can attend a workshop and not be guilted into making a purchase!

I bought the Ice Blue Essential Oil.

Buyer’s Remorse
Even when I actually like something, I regret buying it if I purchase too quickly. It’s a strange phenomenon. I like to spend a lot of time uhmming and ahhing about the potential benefits of a product, going away to do some laundry, coming back and mulling them over some more. Currently contemplating a pair of red jeans. Think I will get.

BUT. Unlike with my usual purchases, I have not been dying of buyer’s remorse. It’s like Reverse Regret. I want MORE. Like why didn’t I buy the lemon? And the peppermint? I could be eating minty cacao bliss balls right now if only I’d been more forward-thinking.

Why am I so into them? And with such minimal research and exposure?

Essentially (haHA), the oils have powers (bare with me) that other products just don’t. They’re natural, easy to use and smell lovely.

If you’d like to skip straight to the recipe, then scroll, scroll, scroll.

 

Current Essential Oils wish list:

• Peppermint oil
  Add a drop to boiling water and BAM! Peppermint tea. No tea bags required. To be honest, my main reason for wanting peppermint oil is so I can make the peppermint cacao bliss balls that were served at the workshop. So delish.
• Lemon oil
  You know how it’s super trendy to detoxify with lemon and water? I’ve never done this because the lemon is acidic and erodes the enamel in your teeth. Since the lemon oil is extracted from the rind, the acidity in the oil isn’t of major concern. You get all the benefits without the damaged teeth! You can also sip through a straw but who has time for that?
  Other uses for lemon oil, aside from incredible dessert flavouring are: Cleaning, air freshener, ingesting for respiratory discomfort.
• Tea tree oil 
  How did I not know this before? Tea tree oil is great for break outs. Lauryn Evarts writes all about tea tree oil for spot treatment here. Other uses: haircare, cleaning make up brushes, nails and sunburn.
• On guard oil
  Due to the environment I work in, a flu shot has been recommended. I’m not totally convinced. The doTERRA On Guard oil supports immune function and protects against environmental threats, so I will probably end up getting it.
  You can soak apple slices in it to eat, add a few drops to coconut oil for a hand cleanser or use it as a surface cleaner. I find the costs a bit prohibitive but I at least feel safe ordering from doTERRA because of the guaranteed purity of the oils and the locations they source the ingredients from.
• Clove oil
  Did you know cloves have an ORAC number* of 290,000 compared to blueberries’ 4,700? Surely this makes them a superfood. Apparently the reason they aren’t a topic of popular conversation is because cloves aren’t sexy. Well you know what? I think cloves ARE sexy.
  I used to use this clove shampoo from Aveda (re-ordering as we speak) and my hair always smelt amazing after. Cloves FTW! Aveda is a pretty cool brand – they’re cruelty free, use organic ingredients and eco-friendly sourcing methods. Also, clove shampoo was the first formula Aveda created (in a kitchen sink in Minneapolis).
  You can use Clove Oil in your toothpaste, cooking, as a massage oil or in a diffuser. You can use almost all the oils in a diffuser. To me, this is the least exciting of all the potential uses.
  *Antioxidant power measurement

Essential oils for food

A lot of people don’t realise you can ingest essential oils. Not all of them. But a large percentage. That is why they make an excellent flavour addition to bliss balls. The following recipe is a take on the one provided by my workshop host, Emily.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup cashews
• 12 dates
• 1/3 cup cacao
• Flavour
• 1 tsp olive oil
• 1 tsp water
• 1/2 tsp honey

Method: Blend all ingredients for about 40 seconds in a food processor.  Roll into balls. Refrigerate.

Flavour: This could be a teaspoon of peanut butter, a sprinkling of rock salt, a drop of peppermint oil or wild orange oil in the case of my latest batch.

Really, the world is your bliss ball. You can add goji berries, cranberries, passionfruit seeds, vanilla essence, mixed spice, roll them in coconut or dip them in dark chocolate.  If anyone makes these with tahini, please REPORT BACK.

You can definitely make these without honey, probably without oil and maybe even without water (if you pre-soaked the dates). Emily didn’t use oil, water or pre-soak and her bliss balls were lovely. I don’t know – some people are magic! For my recipe, liquid is… (wait for it) essential! Before I added the oil and water, the consistency was breadcrumbs. Must. Add. Liquid.

Breadcrumbs and a teeny tiny Wild Orange sample.

Olive oil

Coconut oil is king at the moment. It’s in every healthy recipe. People rave about its multitude of uses (skin, hair, teeth, lube).

I prefer to use olive oil, which has less saturated fat than coconut oil. But if I’m being real, it’s not because I care that much about the saturated fat. I can’t stand the taste of coconut oil. Does anyone actually like it? HOW.

When you cook olive oil, if you heat beyond its smoke point, the smoke will be toxic. There are a lot of alarmist headlines about the dangers of heating olive oil. I am still investigating. It seems like heating most oils to a certain point causes issues. Basically, don’t deep-fry with olive oil and you should be alright.

Serving size

Supposedly, you’re meant to only have 1-2 bliss balls in a serve. They’re high in (good) fats and sugar.

“I’ll just have a bliss ball with my peppermint tea. That will keep me going in the afternoon.”

I don’t know who said that. But their self-restraint is off the charts.

I don’t stop at two squares of chocolate and I don’t stop at two bliss balls. They are pretty filling and sickening but they also taste really good.

My only helpful trick is pre-determined portion sizes: If I pack only two bliss balls for work, then I have no choice but to eat only two!

…And then head to the 7/11 for another coffee. Because two bliss balls? Really?!

Have you used essential oils? Or been to a workshop and bought something you didn’t want? I’d love to hear. ESPECIALLY if you’ve used tahini.

xx

8 Unusual Tinder Dates

What goes well with a Tinder date? A blog post about Tinder dating. Or just dating dating. No judgment.

Dinner is an option, of course, but it’s just so tame. There aren’t a lot of adrenalin rushes to be had over mains and dessert. Unless you eat the green apple and barramundi salad at Chin Chin in which case: Be still my heart. Dinner is also a pretty long-term commitment to someone you’re not actually sure you’re going to like. They may look cute and well-traveled in their photos but does that mean they can converse beyond the typed word? Very sadly, it does not.

Me on a well-lit date

If you do want to be unoriginal (and really, why would you?), don’t get locked in to an extraordinarily long conversation about rock-climbing. Meet over cocktail hour. It’s in the name.

Movies are another kind of classic best avoided. Just another forgettable evening in front of a screen, sitting next to a stranger you’ll learn precisely nothing about. If your true motives for a movie date are so you can see Black Panther for free – provided you have archaic beliefs about who should pay – then this could well be an option for you. But also, get a Flybuys card, accrue some points and see free movies this way. Much more self-reliant.

With the following suggestions, which are all activity based, you won’t get trapped with someone who didn’t extend you the courtesy of a shower before your meeting. If your date turns out to be strange or tedious or unable to talk on a subject other than themselves, you will be surrounded by alternative activities that do not involve them. Although do try a little. Nervousness can be excused. Indifference – never.

After the following dates, you’ll be able to return home, use your Face Halo, and know that the day was not a total waste of make up:

1. Virtual Reality Zombie experience
Immediately, this sounds like a good idea. It involves Virtual Reality, so you’re basically telling your date that you are a cutting-edge individual who knows what’s up. It’s like a video game but more physical and interactive, since you run around a warehouse. It’s also a unique  – and therefore likely memorable – experience to share with someone. If things don’t work out, you can at least look fondly back on that time you slayed zombies together in North Melbourne.

2. Get bloody
Blood donation. My personal dream date. Fall in love with a fellow altruist (or chocolate chip cookie lover). Major bonus: Red Cross has a comprehensive questionnaire for all prospective blood donators. Avoid all those awkward questions – let the Red Cross ask them!

If your date is eligible to donate, you’ll know that they:

a) Haven’t engaged in risky sexual activity in the last 12 months
b) Are not injecting drugs recreationally
c) Weigh over 50kg
d) Have healthy levels of iron in their blood
e) Aren’t squeamish

While you donate, you can partake in the nine-letter word game (at the old South Melb centre, anyway) or assess your potential new partner’s creativity and see what games you can come up with together.

If you’re both cheap AF, then a blood donation is a nice way to have your date and get your milkshake too. After saving three lives, you can enjoy a nice range of juices, crackers and Byron Bay cookies.

3. To market, to market

Essentially, you want a (free) event where you get to browse around and are not forced to make continuous eye contact for thirty plus minutes. Markets are abundant with conversational triggers, like candles, coffee scrubs and handmade jewellery. Leave your cue cards at home.

Learn about your date’s preferred flavour of soap (mmm lemongrass), enjoy some fresh air and (hopefully) their company. Try the Rose St market in Fitzroy or the market next to the Heide Museum of Modern art. Note: ‘Market’ is interchangeable with garage sale and secondhand book store.

4. Be an exhibitionist…

…No that’s not quite right. (Or is it? 😉 )Be an exhibition attendee. Visit a Carnivores’ Trail,  get up close with little penguins, learn about digital infrastructures, go mainstream at the NGV or receive tonnes of free samples at a trade show. If you’d like drinks thrown in, try an art show. Wine quality isn’t guaranteed. But it’s free, so you’ll take what you’re given.

5. Let’s go surfing

This may go against everything I’ve said about brevity but if this date works, it works very well. First things first, you do not need to know how to surf; however, swimming skills are a definite must. Secondly, you need a chill attitude (for all the water that’s about to go in your eyes that you’re going to blink away like it’s not perforating your retina).

Or exceptional acting skills. Either work.

Third, you need a surfboard.

Once you’ve got all those elements in play, you’re set.

One of my best ever first dates was surfing at Gunnamatta. I didn’t particularly know the guy – we’d met earlier that week on the train – but he seemed like the non-psychopath sort. Plus the beach, in summer, is a very good place to date. There are a lot of legitimate reasons to touch (sunscreen applications, balancing on the board), heaps of sunshine and zero excuse needed to prance around in your best bikini. When you’re over the waves crushing you, you can retire to the sand to chat or sunscreen-bake. Or burn in our case.

Post-surf hammock selfie

They’ve done studies on methods of accelerating attraction – if you can get someone’s adrenalin pumping in your proximity, you’re on the track to love. Sick but scientific. I just realised that this wasn’t a Tinder date and therefore does not really belong on this list. Oh well. It was a good date. It stays.

<<We interrupt this program to bring you more words of wisdom>>

Here is where the list gets slightly derailed. I started to realize I couldn’t necessarily advocate for people going on these sorts of dates if there wasn’t some prep work involved. A background check, if you will. I don’t want to send you off on a surf date and learn later that you were drowned.

I appreciate I am not the most normal of Tinder users. Like not everyone spends a month having hour-long phone calls with their prospective Tinder date. Or exchanges letters. Or has Before Sunrise moments on the reg.

Hand-written letters are the best

Personally, I like as much getting-to-know-you before meeting in person. This saves everyone time, makeup and Uber/train fares. If a guy isn’t willing to talk on the phone, he is either a) too shy b) too lazy or c) not adventurous. None of which is my kind of guy. Find your own filter. Apply liberally.

If you’ve only exchanged a few texts with the person you plan on meeting, stick with a strawberry daiquiri and save all of my amazing ideas for date #2. If you’ve stalked their Facebook profile (hello 2007 profile pic), Facetimed them and gotten beyond the copy + paste section of the conversation (efficiency), then continue on.

6. Take the plunge

Head to the hot springs in Mornington and spend a few hours doing reflexology (walking on stones), getting steamy in the pools and sauna and immersing yourself in ice cold water. This supposedly has hormetic benefits (stress that makes you stronger), like the way you do minor injury to your hamstrings through deadlifts, but ultimately strengthen them. I don’t know. It’s really freaking cold. Fun fact: I once read that finishing a shower with cold water seals the hair cuticle, meaning smoother, silkier locks. I used to do this. Now I would rather have frizz. Can’t deal with the cold.

At the hot springs, you can also get a kodo or yinka massage, sip wine and go on a botanical journey (mud wrap, facial etc). I’ve only been during the daytime but apparently at night, the fairy lights go on and it gets really beautiful. And romance was born.

7. Tree top walking 

I have not actually done this. But I have driven past it so many times on the way back from Warrnambool. If you’re a broad-shouldered ambitious guy, take me here! Breathtaking rainforest views, a zipline eco-tour, an unflattering harness – what’s not to love?

8. Dialogue in the dark

Yes, I know I constantly contradict myself. And this idea is no exception. I am now recommending you do the exact thing I told you not to: Hang with a stranger in the dark. But this is different. Promise!

Dialogue in the Dark is a sensory journey in pitch black. You are guided through darkness by people who are blind or have low vision. Learn how to navigate your surrounds, as you move through a simulated Melbourne. You’ll have to rely on your other senses and communicate without visual clues in this hour-long experience.

Ok, gotta wrap it up there.  Did you like any of these ideas? Which was your favourite? Hopefully among the extremely pricey and completely free, there was at least one to float your boat.

As I publish this, I am off to eat sushi pizza with my newest Tinder date. Here’s hoping sushi pizza is everything I’ve dreamt and more!

 

Get Lit (with Candles)

Always a little late to the literal and metaphorical party, I’ve only just gotten into candles.

If you’re not a candle person, let me tell you why that should change.

If you’re already convinced about their greatness, you may want to skip down to where I detail how to choose the best candle (hint: no carcinogenic burn is mucho desirable).

Candles can make you feel better

It’s hard to separate the various parts of a candle as they are all intertwined. Yes, on a superficial level, fresh linen or chai tea candles can make a place smell great. But they can be more deeply transformative.

Our sense of smell is connected to memory. There’s a convoluted explanation involving the olfactory receptors, limbic system and odour molecules but I prefer this straightforward Healthista explanation:

“Smells stimulate nerves in the nose which send messages straight to the brain, directly affecting our emotional state… When we smell something nice, the receptors in the amygdala [part of the brain] respond by releasing dopamine and serotonin.”

Essentially, certain fragrances elicit certain emotions. This is why I developed an unnatural obsession with Bleu de Chanel – an ex boyfriend’s signature scent. To this day, I can detect it anywhere, like a sick little party trick. I know, I’m very impressive.

So rugged. So chiselled.

Candles can reduce anxiety

If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, a candle could be a good addition to your life, due to the aforementioned reasons. I’m not so naive as to believe a candle can solve serious mental illness. But I do think lots of little positive changes add up.

They smell bloody good

Worst comes to worse, the candle does nothing for your mood. At least your place will smell like a choc chip cookie or freshly cut grass. Mmm choc chip cookie. When it comes to choice of scents, it’s an ice-cream store. That is, there are many many delicious flavours and you will have a hard time choosing. You can go gourmand (caramel, vanilla, choc chilli – you know this is what I do), citrus, floral, oriental, whatever. There are even candles for really specific scents, like cotton candy and monkey farts. So if you’re super into brand new leather or hot buttered popcorn, you’re covered.

Depending on the type of candle, you can also use your source of gently flickering light to promote good sleep before bedtime. I could go into a whole other post about the validity to these claims but I’ll spare you. This time.

Finally, candles rock because they create ambience. They change the lighting in a room; they make dark untidy spaces (not that I know many of those…) look warm, cosy and inviting. They cast a soft gentle glow on their surroundings, so that you can star in your very own well-lit movie.

Mango & Papaya candle | Circa Home

If you are not fully convinced about the benefits of candles, do not worry. People love gifting candles. You will get yours soon. They are the ultimate impersonal gift, like chocolates or a photo frame. Except not impersonal for me because now you know exactly which candles I like 🙂

One of the reasons I decided to start this blog was because my Instagram captions were getting very long (kind of like this post). But I had so much information I wanted to share! Like how could I stop at telling you about the eco-friendly nature of the Face Halo without also disclosing how it performs in the washing machine. I wouldn’t. I can’t.

So here’s the original inspiration for this blog – a little look into what makes a good, safe candle. Only 3/4 of the way in. Well done for hanging in there.

CANDLE CRITERIA

Smell

At the start of my candle burning career, I focused on scent. Raspberry or vanilla caramel? Vanilla caramel. Drool. I also paid a lot of attention to the case the candle came in. Glass is elegant and simple. And exploding. More on this later.

Safety

When I spent a bit more time researching candles, I found out some (paraffin) candles are carcinogenic when burnt (see: benzene & toluene). This is why I like soy or beeswax candles with a paper, hemp or cotton wick. Scented with essential oils.

An anecdote about an exploding candle (trim the wick, for goodness sake!) hasn’t quite turned me off glass casings. But it has encouraged me to follow proper candle protocol. If the wick tips and heats the glass… BAM! Glass. Everywhere.

A cautionary tale

Burn time

After I burnt through  my first candle, I realised, endurance really does matter. A $10 candle isn’t cheaper if it only lasts 5 hours. This week, I also learnt that you can increase candle burn time. Make sure that you burn your candle evenly so that the melted wax covers the entire candle surface (1-2 hours). Otherwise you create a border of wax that will never burn.

Ethics

I thought that was the end. But then I was asked about the origins of the candle ingredients – namely the ethics of beeswax. I still eat honey – hell, I still eat meat – so I can’t get up on my high horse. If concerned, go for soy.

Extra

The candle making company I went with is a social enterprise. You know I love a business that intentionally tackles social or environmental problems (leggings made out of plastic bottles, bombshell jewellery, shirts which raise money for cancer research). This candle company, Autism Candles, promotes equal opportunity and inclusion in the economy, employing individuals with Autism all across the spectrum.

So you won’t be surprised that I just put both the Chocolate Chip Cookie and Crème Brûlée in my cart. After which I spent fifteen minutes scouring the net fruitlessly for Amazon discount codes. Do you ever do this? I purchased the candles, with no code (sad face) only to scroll down to the description and see they had a 10% discount code on the bloody page. It pays to read. It really does. Naturally, I cancelled my order quick-smart, saving myself that sweet $1.78. I like to think all these little savings make parking fines that little bit more bearable. Logic.

Finally, finally, I got my all in one candle. Safe, smells like a cupcake bakery, burns on and on. Now off you go, get lit.

Some other candle options:

https://www.instagram.com/kennedysmith_soy_candles/?hl=en 

SO hard to find these, so apologies if you get hooked. The Rhubarb Pear smells beyond amazing; I’m yet to try the Melbourne. They also do tomato. No comment.

www.wickedcandle.com.au/product-page/large-jar-50hrs
18 scents to choose from, candles with 50+ hour burn, eco conscious packaging.

wanderlustsoycandleco.com/products/aromatherapy-massage-candle
Massage candle that melts into massage oil. Dream.

 

Tested Methods for Making an Old Flame a New Love

Tried and tested. Read the new blog post here.

Mistaken Identity

Have you ever matched with someone, only to discover they were the person in the background, partially cropped from the photo?

We’re talking about low key identity fraud / borderline catfishing on the blog:

www.grainofseasalt.com

Five Dates Under Five Dollars

You don’t want to seem like a cheapskate in your first month (save that revelation for date #12). But your bank account simply can’t support all this flagrant socialising.

    

To help you reduce your spending excursions – I mean, dates – here are five ideas that cost five dollars or less. Have your date and pay your electricity bill:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/5-dates-under-5-dollars

 

5 Booze Free Date Ideas

Too often, dating and drinking are synonymous. After all, if you’re not going on an unusual date adventure, like a zombie virtual reality experience or a zip-line eco tour, then you’re probably getting a drink at a bar. It’s low key, non-committal and if you wind up with nothing else, you’ll have a nice buzz. But.

If you go on dates frequently, that is a lot of alcohol to consume. And even if you only meet up with a Tinder match on the first Tuesday of every month, you still might want a break from the martinis and bellinis. I have written extensively about the way alcohol impacts not just your physical health but also your happiness.

So, if you’re keen to give alcohol (and anxiety) a miss on your next date, here are some booze free ideas to get you going:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/5-booze-free-date-ideas

 

Coffee Meets Bagel Reviewed

I review the new/not new dating app COFFEE MEETS BAGEL

Read the post here

It’s no secret I want to optimise my dating. I want to meet extraordinary people while putting in the least amount of effort.

So when new dating apps come along, I’m always open to giving them a go. Coffee Meets Bagel comes courtesy of a recent date. Sadly, he lives in the Gold Coast. But he had good financial advice and taught me what a lolly cake is.

Based on my experience, it looks like Coffee Meets Bagel hasn’t quite caught on in Melbourne. Let’s talk a look at the pros and cons of this (sort of) new dating app.

Continue reading

Love Language Lies

When someone loves you, they have the time. But is that really true? The Five Love Languages disputes this notion, claiming that there are five equal ways to love.

I’m calling BS.

Read why in the latest post on Grain of Sea Salt:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/love-language-lies

Don’t Double Text

There’s a reason that firing off another text before you receive a response has earned itself a name.

There is nothing to gain from double texting someone.

To highlight this, let’s go through a few separate, albeit common, scenarios. Ones where you might be tempted to double down but sensible thing you are, you sure as heck will not.

Full post here:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/dont-double-text

 

Fermented Friends and How to Drink Them

What is filmjolk? How do you drink it? You drink filmjolk?!!

All your fermented food questions answered in my new post here

    

Ok not really. I didn’t feel like getting into all the science around gut health so instead I wrote this post about three fermented foods you can easily incorporate into your diet with EASY recipes you can use.

Breakfast sorted ☑️

Fermented friends and how to drink them

 

Be The Right Warrior

New year, new post!
https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/be-the-right-warrior

10 Good Acts You Can Do From Your Keyboard

Read the post here now 🙂

The Hangover Nobody Talks About

The Hangover Nobody Talks About We’re talking hangxiety, the effects of alcohol on your skin, fake friends and more over on the blog:

https://www.grainofseasalt.com/blog/the-hangover-nobody-talks-about